How I Manage Anxiety When Problem-Solving

I remember speaking with a friend the other day about responses to conflict when you have anxiety and I will never forget their response. When presented with a problem in a conversation, they always lean in and agree to avoid any conflict.

I was baffled by that. While I can relate to their practiced response, in my place when presented with a situation that puts me in the spotlight, I say no. To be more specific, I adhere to a response framework that helps navigate any confrontation or verbally problem-solve any request that catches me off guard.

Like my friend, I get anxious when I am confronted with a problem that puts me on the spot.

So, if you find yourself struggling with responding like I was, just remember:

Apologize for the inconvenience.

You don’t need to say the words “I am sorry”, but be empathetic about the problem and express your understanding of what the person requesting might be feeling. This helps the person understand that you are on their side and willing to engage in a problem-solving environment.

State the conflict.

If the request conflicts with your schedule, or task list, or even if you feel uncomfortable, express that. You could say: “Unfortunately X conflicts with Y” “I am not able to fit that into my schedule at this time” or “I had something already planned for that time”.

Present a solution.

The key to problem-solving a verbal request is to be in the mindset of setting boundaries but being creative about the solution in a way that works for both parties. This can look like agreeing to the request but making sure it is completed on your terms. If you feel like you need to refuse the request then provide an alternative solution to the requester that may involve either asking someone else or the requester solving the problem on their own in a way that works for them.

Remember to stick to your boundaries and put yourself first.